Test came back positive, I couldn't believe my ears.
Asking, " what am I gonna do now?" while wiping away my tears.

We were two teenagers who were in love.
With a baby boy already sent from heaven.
Life for my little family was about to change, in May of 97.

The day came and went.
That day, I thought I would be able to forget.
Thought my decision at the time would make our lives better.
Little did I know, 15 years later I'd be writing the baby I chose not to keep, a poem or goodbye letter.

I wonder if you heard me, when I asked you for forgiveness, while you were still safe inside my womb.
Your mommy was so caught up in herself to know, that even God was standing with us in that tiny room.

My mind was made up, there was no going back.
O, my sweet little Zayden, it was never your fault.
It was faith in God your mommy lacked.

I didn't know you were a boy, till one night in a dream.
I'm thankful for this particular one, cause it was you God let me see.
My beautiful, little boy, Zayden one day very soon, I'll be coming home to heaven to hold you close to me.

Blonde hair, blue eyes. Your so small and beautiful. You had a glow around your face.
Lord, I'm thankful for Your forgiveness, Your mercy and sovereign grace.

Because God gave up His one and only son to pay the price for me.
One day coming soon our family of not five but, SIX will be together for eternity.

So until then my precious son, God will hold you close like I was called to do.
I just want to tell you one thing I never said, Zayden Matthius Chipp,
Mommy has always loved you!

           FORGIVEN AND SET FREE
                         (THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING OF SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL)


     So much has happened since my last blog.  I'm finding that life without God isn't life at all.
On January 14, 2012, I started a Bible study class on "Forgiven and Set Free."  It's for post abortion women.  In May of 1997, I had an abortion.  It changed my life forever.  The first night of our homework we were to go back to that day and write down every detail we could remember. It was a day I'll NEVER forgot.  I can remember the weather and what I was wearing.  I remember the faces of the other women in the waiting room and the color of the room the procedure was done.  I murdered my baby! I know that God has forgiven me and loves me unconditionaly.   On January 15, 2012 I surrendered my life to Christ and tonight (February 5,2012) I'm going to be baptized.  It's not the first time I've walked that aisle confessing I'm a sinner and asking God to come dwell inside me.  I've not trusted Him fully till January 15, 2012.  The sermon was on Dependance of God.  Who was I depending on?  ME OR HIM?  Well, it was obvious I was depending on me.  God has given me a new hope and joy and peace I've never felt. Yes, I do have a long way to go. But, He's gonna be right there with me. In fact He's already been there. He's prepared my way.  He knows what I'm going to go through these next few weeks as we finish up this class. God is good!! God loves you and no matter what you've done in your life, God will forgive you. You just have to surrender, ask for forgiveness, and have faith.  I'll continue my story later on. Till then, God bless~

THOUGHTS ON MY HEART

                                             

First of all, I can't believe it's been almost a year since my last blog.  I can officially add a  new title to the list of names  people call me. This one will be, SLACKER!!!  LOL!!  Seriously though. I have missed writing. Not that I'm good at it but, I aspire to be better.

 It's amazing to look back over the year and see, where not only we as a family but,  myself  personally, are in our lives, at this very moment. Most importantly in our spiritual lives. IT'S INCREDIBL!!!  I have learned so much and continue to learn daily.  My heart's desire is to serve God with my whole heart. "And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5

At this time in my life I'm not sure where He wants me but, I'm ready for Him to take me where I'm suppose to be. Jeremiah 29:11 says, " For I know the plans I have for you, " says the Lord. " They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." So, if that means stepping outside my comfort zone then ok. "For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." Phillipians 4:13

I found myself watching some youtube videos on college kids who are "Tebowing." I know you all know what that means.  If you don't however, it's when you get down on one knee,  hold your head in one hand as it rests on your other knee, and pray for three minutes. In any location. Whether mall, school, outside at a park, sidewalk on a busy street. You just stop, and kneel down and pray.  These college kids are doing it around campass. As I watched this video, it gave me chills. To see how one person's boldness to their faith in Christ  make an impact on someone elses, or just give other Christians courage to stand up boldly as well.   Why is it so hard for some Christians to stand up boldly for their faith.  It doesn't mean we have to Tebow but, what are we doing to stand out and not be conformed to this world?  What am I doing?  I've asked myself this question many times since seeing that video.   I pray that  these kids that are doing this, are doing it for the right reasons and not for personal attention. God is the only one that knows are hearts and we shouldn't judge. I've learned to pray for them instead.  Pray that God would continue to give them this boldness to reach out to others who don't know Him. 

 I love God!  He's pulled me out of some dark places and brought me to a place that I never thought would be possible.  Do I struggle with past demons? Most definetly.  God can do amazing things in the lives of those that will let Him.  It doesn't happen over night but, it does happen.  It takes work, and obedience on our part.  I must continue to pray for freedom from that bondage and grow in faith.

God says, " I love all who love me. Those who search will surely find ME." Psalm 8:17

  I have so many things to be thankful for. This last year taught me personally, how much I take for granted and how I haven't faithfully walked in my relationship with Christ. I've heard in many sermons that " YOU CAN'T LOSE YOUR SALVATION. BUT, YOU CAN LOSE YOUR TESTIMONY."  That really stuck out to me..What is my testimony? Have I thought about what people see when they see how I live my life? Do they see Christ? Or do they see someone who confesses to be a Christian and love Christ but, still live their lives the same way.   (I'll be writing up a testimony blog later on in the year.) 

 I don't spend enough time with God reading His word, praying, and stepping outside my comfort zone and sharing the Gospel with others.  I know I am missing out on the greatest blessings of all when I am not obedient in my relationship with Christ. We can't grow in our walk with Christ if we don't make an effort and allow Him to grow us. By growing we have to read His word, pray, worship Him, get involved in a good church, surround ourselves with other believers. If we don't do these things the Spirit can't grow. It's like if we don't eat, our bodies grow weak. God's word is our spiritual food we need it to grow and be strong spiritually.  It's just like any relationship here on Earth. We put so much effort in communicating and making time with our loved ones. Which is awesome but, we should be putting our relationship with God FIRST.  I wouldn't write this if I wasn't guilty of it myself. Am I living a life pleasing to God?  I have to make an effort every day to give my day to Him and seek Him.  My goal for this new year is to be more obedient, step outside my comfort zone and allow God to work through me. Read my Bible more, to have a better attitude. An attitude more like Christ. Pray more so I can grow stronger spiritualy. To be a better servant for God!  Hope you have a blessed day!!

God, You are Holy! You are worthy of all praise and honor!  You are the King of Kings, the great I AM!  There is no  God like You.  You are the master of creation, the great physician, You Lord are LIFE!  Your word is a light that brightens our paths in this dark world.  Forgive us if we aren't obedient to You. Teach us Lord how to walk in Your ways.  Teach us how to love like you love. Forgive us, when we say you are our God and we don't reach out to the lost. Give us a boldness Lord to stand up against the enemy. Open the eyes and the ears to the lost so they may see and hear Your truth. Protect those that serve you Lord in the countries where darkness is overwhelming. Give them strength and wisdom as they share your word. Thank you for what you've shown me this last year and what you are about to show me these next few weeks. Allow my heart to hear You Lord as you speak into my soul.  I love you! I praise you Father, I ask these things in the precious name of Jesus Christ.

AMEN!! 

Prayers Answered!!

This last year has been so exciting.  The ups and downs have brought my family closer not only in our own personal relationships with eachother but, with our God as well.  My husband accepted Christ as his Lord and Savior on January 23, 2011 and it was the best experience for all of us to be around the dining room table with our pastor and friend Aaron, all heads bowed and eyes closed while my husband prayed to God for the first time in his life.  It was the sweetest sound I've ever heard.  I've prayed for my husband to be saved for a very very long time so my heart was full of joy and thankfulness on this beautiful evening.  Now, fast forward to August 7, 2011 my youngest son, Ezrin went to our pastor and told him he wanted to be baptized. Ezrin had already prayed to our Lord and confessed he was a sinner and that he believed with his heart that Jesus Christ died on the cross for his sins. Our pastor asked him if he understood what sins are and Ezrin answered correctly.  My whole little family is living the best we can for our Heavenly Father and I'm thrilled beyond anything in this world that we will get to spend eternity together worshipping our Lord.  Ezrin will be baptized this next Sunday and when Ryan is ready to be baptized, Ezrin will get to stand in the water with his dad on that special day.  We aren't perfect people, we aren't the perfect family, we are the Chipp's and we are here to do our best and serve our Lord not only as a family but, as brothers and sisters in Christ.  Thank you Father, for doing such a mighty work in our lives. We love you!

Praise the Lord for answered prayers

My oldest boy, Saige had a tumor in his left arm pit removed 5 years ago.  It was benign, thank goodness.  Another one recently grew back in the same spot.  We went yesterday to a bone tumor specialist to find out that once again this tumor is non cancerous. Praise God!!  The area it's located is too difficult and too risky to have removed so we go back to the Dr. in 6 months for more x-rays to watch the growth of this tumor.  This tumor is called "Osteochondroma"  They grow in the growth platellets on long bones.  Sometimes these tumors can come out positive for bone cancer.  We will continue to pray that God heals Saige completely and keep him cancer free.  Saige has been a blessing to me and our family.  He's growing into a fine young man and I couldn't be more proud to be his mother.  Saige's dream is to one day be a professional football player and play in a super bowl.  I truly believe he has a GREAT chance of just that.  I tell all my kids they can be whatever they want if they work hard towards it and if it's in God's will for them.  Our God is truly an awesome God and I'm constantly amazed at His great work in my little family.  For all of those that have prayed for Saige I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  You all mean the world to us.  I love you!  God bless!

JADE AND ZHEIN

What is a friend? A friend is not the color of their skin, where they live, how they dress. A friend is someone who encourages you, prays for you, loves you unconditionally. Someone who won't allow you to do something that will cause you harm. Someone who knows when you need a moment to yourself and when you just need someone there to lean on. True friends are hard to come by these days. Everyone is always out to see what they can GAIN and not what they can GIVE. I'm constantly telling my kids, "Never choose a book by its cover. Everyone has their own story." God puts certain people into our lives at certain times and He also removes them at certain times. Some friends we get to keep for a few months others we keep for a lifetime. Love your friends unconditionally!

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful. It is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on it's own way. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrong but, rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends...

Spring once again...

So, here we are again.  Spring time 2010, and with it we have coughing, runny noses, itchy eyes, headaches.  Well, that's the bad part but, the best part is the beauty of God's creations.  The way flowers and trees die off for winter then birth to life again in the Spring is just amazing.  I'm so thankful that I can lay all my burdens down at the Lord's feet and He will bless me with complete peace.

Matthew 7:34 " So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring it's own worries.  Today's trouble is enough for today.


Ephesians 2:8-9
"God saved you by His grace when you believed. And you can't take credit for this,  it is gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us a new in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago."